Shares
Say No

How to say NO without feeling guilty

In my ventures and meetings in life, I’ve met many people who do not say no because .. they are too embarrassed to say no. Even if it’s detrimental to them, they won’t say no because they worry what the other person will think.

Put another way, sometimes when we say YES to others, in reality, we are saying NO to ourselves, or our family, or the things that matter most to us. That’s when it becomes painful.

Of course, there is a time when you need to push yourself and say YES, but for now, let’s focus on the gentle art of saying NO without feeling guilty.

Here are a few power techniques on how to say NO without feeling guilty:

1. Say No … and don’t try to justify why.
Justifying is when you say NO to someone, but then proceed to explain and justify why. ‘Sorry, I can’t because I’m busy that weekend.”

When you make an excuse, all that does is make the other party think, if they only tweaked their request with a different day, you’d be fine — which is not the case.

When you justify, you’re opening yourself up to a response like: “OK, then how about the following weekend?” Then you’re going to have to lie and make up some other excuse, and on and on.

You think you’re polite, but it’s actually, sorry to say, kind of untruthful and misleading.
Learn to say, “Sorry, I apologize I can’t make it. But I pray it works out.” And done. Notice there’s no justification and no invitation for the other person to challenge your excuse — because you haven’t made any excuse.

2. Schedule yourself before you are scheduled
When I launched AlMaghrib Institute back in the day, one of the motivations was that I was tired of saying no, or having my schedule designed by random people around the country. I wanted to be able to say ‘no’ to all these invites because I had something more beneficial planned for my time and others.

Prepare your days and weekends with events you want to attend, hobbies you want to pursue, people you want to spend time with, and classes you want to take. So the next time a request comes that you want to say no to, it’ll be easy because you are legitimately already booked.

3. Be sincere and ask them to forgive you for saying no
When it comes to saying no, we always think our only options are: a. Lie and make up an excuse; or b. Hurtfully say no.

How about saying no, but asking them to forgive you.
“I need to ask your forgiveness — I can’t help.”
“I know I’ve said I’d come every week, but things are piling up on me, and I need to ask your forgiveness. I can’t come weekly anymore.”

When you come from a position of humility, saying no is so much easier.
I’ve tried this, and it is so liberating to truthfully just ask people’s forgiveness for saying no. You don’t have to play this silly game of making up bogus and mentally exhausting excuses.

Bottom line: don’t just say YES because you don’t know how to say NO.

About the Author Muhammad Alshareef

Founder and President of DiscoverU, an Islam-based personal development institute. Muhammad Alshareef graduated Islamic Law from Madinah University and holds a Masters Degree from West Virginia University. Canadian, ethnically Egyptian, and a true citizen of the world. He writes about Islamic solutions to popular personal development questions.

Leave a Comment:

133 comments
Adama says

Thank you very much brother may Allah bless you and your family I was struggling to say no to people because I would think I’m horrible but after reading this I’m so happy thank you again may Allah bless you ameen

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Safiyanu Muhammad says

Alhamdulillah MaashaaAllah, Thank So Much (jazaakumullahu Khairan).

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Halimah says

Baarak Allahu feek! Succinct and practical. Tried no. 1, very effective and a lot lighter on the soul.

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aneesah anum siddiqui says

JazakAllahu Khairan, really needed to read this, very useful indeed 🙂

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Hussain says

Jazaakallah Khair

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ummi muhammad allie says

Subghaanallah! So true

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Aisha says

Masha Allah,i’ll put it into practice in sha Allah

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Fareedah Abubakar says

Alhamdulillah. Jazakallahu khair

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Afeefa says

What a timing! Your message has come at a point when I’m already in such pain of already having said “yes” in a most important matter of my life of getti.g married to someone.. not of my type,personality,interest,life and hereafter goals..and in pain of knowing that can’t step back now as he is from family and all the relations are already inter-connected. Can u advise?

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Anonymous says

Thanks you Bro you have given indeed many clues on how.to tackle the embarrassing answer of saying NO.. May Allah help you and your family

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Harira Mohammed says

Alhamdulillahi I have learn a lot and I will wish to have more of lecture so as to improve me self with it .thank u very much May Almighty Allah bless u Amin.

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ADAMUDEEN says

JazakAllah brother Alshareef the post helped me a lot and from now on I can say “no” without feeling silly
I love you for the sake of Allah

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Mohammed Ateequllah says

Assalamualaikum!
Jazakallah khair! Brother Muhammad Alshareef.

Actually this topic is related to me, I won’t be able to say “NO” and later i used to say “No” and try to justify it. & thereafter Alhumdulillah i have tried many times say no straightforward and it really works and In Sha Allah will stick to the same.
This information is very useful and In Sha Allah will benefit others.

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Gani says

A great work that involved thinking.

Ma-Sallam

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Kundivi says

I really like the post. It has encouraged me to make the right decision.. Thank you soo much brother.. May Allah give us the courage to say No with ease. As Salaam Alaykum

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Shahanaz says

Very inspirational brother… It has really made me ponder.. And making the right decision matters not pleasing people.. As Salaam Alaykum

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Farooq Khan says

This happened to me just today. A brother suckered me into driving from my suburbs to downtown Toronto to pick him up and drop him off at the airport, on a precious weekend when my family has arrived from overseas. And how could I say No? He even knows my personal circumstances are not so easy.

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MARY ANN POLINTAN says

THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS WONDERFUL MESSAGE!! MORE POWER AND ALLAH BLESS YOU ALWAYS!!

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Kissima Juwara says

Masha’Allah! May Allah shower his blessings on you and the rest of the Muslim ummah . Aameen

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michael Romer says

Excellent

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Ibrahim says

I have been battling wilt this state of mind for ages!
Many thanx to Mr. Alshareef for his blog. I will, insha Allah, heed to the content of his communication. JazakhAllah khairan

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Ridwan says

It is a great lesson and complete freedom (jazaakumullahu Khairan).

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Hassan says

Mashaallah” thank you very much

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Jimoh Adebisi says

This is very educative , may Allah enrich your knowledge.

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razia says

This is so beneficial, because I’m in a position where I feel, if I say NO, I will end up in a lot of trouble. so I’ve been faithfully doing what i’m asked to, though it hurts me a lot. Now I have some ideas, how to say no, without having to justify it.

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Fauzia says

Jazak Allahu khiran

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Mohammed Adamu idris says

Alhamduallahi my brother I having try to say nothing people I can, with u NOW I know how to say it without fear may Allah blessed u with paradise amen.

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Mubarak Ali says

Masha Allah. Thanks so much Mohammed. For a long time, I had difficulty in saying ‘No’ when I really need to. I would always think of costing someone or just say ‘yes’ you will squeeze your schedule and manage to take it. But they sometimes compile and I am already very heavy, I have accepted way beyond my capabilities. With this article, I will hopefully be able to say ‘No’ and do it nicely. Shukran.

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hajja hadiza says

Masha Allah so beneficial

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Mukhtar Abdullahi says

May Almighty Allah reward you on all your efforts. I have a challenge in my life, my major weakness in life is my in ability to be a man of principle, some time I harm my self to ease someone.

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Muhammed Lawal says

MashaAllah,

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Umu salama shariff says

Ma sha Allah Jazakallah kheir brother may Allah bless you

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Mustapha anthony patrick says

Thanks, may Allah grant you more reward for enligting us.

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Iwan Kumara says

Thanks a lot.. inspiring

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Abdulazeez Ibn Abdulrahman says

Thank you very much for liberating me and moved me away from sin we think that is minor. It is a CAPITAL LIES when we say what don’t really mean but we prefer to offend ourselves and Allah by pleasing human being like us.
Alhamdulillahi! After reading this article, I feel relieve and free from bad idea.
When we say what don’t really meant, people will still hate you because you are not sincere meanwhile you wanted to satisfy them by displeasing yourself. Let fear Allah and satisfy Him rather than human being like us. May Allah bless me, you and other readers. Amin

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Abdulazeez Ibn Abdulrahman says

EDITED!!!

Thank you very much for liberating me and moved me away from sin we think that is minor. It is a CAPITAL LIES when we say what we don’t really mean but we prefer to offend ourselves and Allah by pleasing human being like us.
Alhamdulillahi! After reading this article, I feel relieve and free from bad idea.
When we say what we don’t really meant, people will still hate you because you are not sincere meanwhile you wanted to satisfy them by displeasing yourself. Let us fear Allah and satisfy Him alone rather than human being like us. May Allah bless me, you and other readers. Amin

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Lina says

Alhamdulillah MaashaaAllah, Thank you so much…. (jazaakumullahu Khairan).

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shafique fakier says

JazaakAllahu ghair for the naseehah.

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Etsu Umar Shehu says

Mallam! This has been my major problem, how to say No to people! I’m indeed feel much relief of this problem now after going through your inspirational talk on this disturbing subject matter! I wish you Allah’s gaiudance and protections at all times. Jazakallahu Ahiran!

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Mohamed Idrees says

Jazakhallah khiran brother for effective tips which is not to hurt others and easy to compromise ourselves of being true.!! May allah give barakkah on your time to brings up more articles …..

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abukar says

Asalamu aleikum. There is something I would like to share with u. I need your personal email address..

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Najeeb says

MashaAllah, very nice blog, this approach will also certainly help in time management as well.

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safia sohail says

its good.Jazak Allah..keep it up

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Rizkan says

Jazakallah.. this so useful 🙂

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Asmarah says

Nice post really helpful. Jazak Allah Khair.

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Arif Malik says

How about saying “No” to boss at the workplace. Any advice! I suppose if we are busy with other things we can ask the boss that I am busy with other assignments I would be happy to take up the new assignment if you relieve me from the other. In this way you can say “No” or get relieved from other assignment for taking up the new work.

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ILDA says

This was what i needed. I am a person who says Only Yes always…

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Abidah says

Salam ..
May Allah reward you
This article is absolutely amazingly benifetual mashaAllah

May Allah bless your works and efforts and grant you tawfeeq

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ibrahim haji says

mashallah its very bebeficial thankz i was realy savering from no reject

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Kansiime Zubeedah says

BAARAKA ALLAHU FEEK WA JAZAKUMULLAH KHIRAH

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Abdlrasheed Olatunde says

This is very educative and make us understand Islamic religion more. Jasakun – llahu Khairan.

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Saeed says

Thank you so much for beautiful way of saying no.
May Allah reward you , your family and team
Ameen

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Bello iliyas says

MashAllah it’s very good post

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Bushra firdouse says

Mashaa Allah very informative… Barak Allahu feek

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Waasafa says

Thank you Shaykh – this is like a breath of fresh air…alhamdulilah..liberating!

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Anonymous says

Mashaallah

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Hassan Mohamud says

Mashaallah may Allah bless u my brother

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Raji Rafiu says

Salaam, I think some of these explanations works only on matter of time, what about if it is a request: financial, or material issues. how do you say No in these instances?

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Meh-Zabeen says

Thank you brother. I was wondering yesterday where you’ve been as I was missing your emails 🙂 You are absolutely right, used to feel guilty, even thought that I was sinning because I refused invitations (I am a studying mum with husband and 2 kids) . The worse is that people who invite you expect you to invite them in return even if they do not say so. But not guilty anymore. If you are sharing it, it can’t be a sin to refuse an invitation! Jazaak Allah.

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Badamasi Hamza Muhammad says

Salamun alaykum yaa Shaikh,I really enjoy reading the article and found it beneficial,I also learn the simple way of saying No when iam supposed to,without thinking twice,all I can say is;May Allah reward your effort with jannatul Firdausi,may He also accept our ibaadat and forgive our short comings, انه ولي ذلك والقادر عليه

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Bro.deem says

this is what I need now 🙂

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Muhammad Munyarugamba says

Jazakallah khairan

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Farooq Maina Mwihaki says

Alhamdulillah,i Thank Allah(Azza Wajaal) for being on this site,Jazak’Allahu’Kheiyr.

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fahadullah says

Masha’Allah seems practical
Will try in sha allah

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Idris says

Amin

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Dachrul says

Alhamdulillah, thank you verymuch bro, jazaka Allahu khairan.

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Atakora says

Mashaa Allah! Thats true, Because lack of saying “no” in some conditions had created big problem people and I amonug those who got black blood being blamed by some people…!
Jazakallah sheikh.

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Haleema says

Jazakallahu khairan. Really helpful. Coz most of the time we end up lying or stressing ourselves.

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Dzole says

I appreciate your teaching n makes me get motivated. Thanks brother in Islam for your teachings.

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Zareen says

Very helpful.. Great effort Muhammad Alshareef.. May Allah reward you of this Ameeen

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Ally Mujulizi says

Aslm alkm. So how do we reconcile this with our obligation to share and commune with our brothers and sisters in need? Well if I have akready committed to a future obligation well and good, but if I do so to avoid unkown future obligations does that not negate goodwill in the otherwise good deed?

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AJIBOLA, Tajudeen Oladapo says

Thanks. It’s quite enlightening

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Umma says

Assalamu alaikum. Jazakallahu-khairan! Your advice is so practical and helpful. I will try the topls inshaa-Allah as i have a real issue with saying no.

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Yussuf Islam Ajab says

Jazakamullaah khairaan,,,, needed this article,I’ve alwyz had this weaknesses… Thank you,may ALLAH alwys bless u&all of us insha ALLAH,,,, ameen

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Hemed says

Jazaka Allah khair brother i had the same problem but now i feel so thankfully for your advise may Allah bless you.

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Seleh A. Rahmansel says

Thank you for the words of encouragement To say no ,may Allah reward you and your family, again thanks for the lesson on (no) b well inshallah

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Amina says

This is beautiful! It has been so hard to say no so many occasions. This’ll be helpful jazakumullah

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mouhamed barry says

Thank you for sharing your knowledge barakallahfikh

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mouhamed barry says

Alhamdulillah to be a good muslim thank you for sharing your knowledge barakallahfikh

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Amina Inuwa says

Assalamu Alaikum, Jazakallah khair I really appreciate it and it has taught me many lessons

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Mubarak says

One habit that is affecting me now. Thanks for bringing this up.

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Haruna Ibrahim Yalleman says

May Allah SWT rewards you abundantly

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Kazeem says

Have been in pains for a while now just because I think I should not hurt other.Good for this lesson

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Muhammad Kaleem says

Masha Allah brother. It will really made our lives easy

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salah says

jazakumALLAH brother i have benefited

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Khadeejah says

20 years ago, I gave away something I never should have, just because I was too cowardly to say ‘no’ and I cared too much about what other people were thinking even though they were hurting me. Now I ask Allah to forgive me and to grant me the strength to never again say ‘yes’ with my actions or words while my heart is really screaming NO.
Jazzakallah khair for the useful and regular advice.

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Raheemah says

This is a beautiful analogy. I shall practise the saying ‘no’ without justification and the apology ones.

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IBRAHIM NAIRA SANUSI says

Masha Allah, may Allah richly bless you for this remarkable advice

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Huzaifah Kayemba says

Alhamudulillah sheikh. Thanks alot

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Mohammed Ibrahim says

Alihamdo Lilah,

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Shabana Anjum says

Ma’sha’Allah, very insightful article and contains valuable tips. Jazakallah Khayr.

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Awal says

Jazakumllahu Khairan

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Lateefah Afinowi says

Salam alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu. That was very useful Masha Allah. Short and sweet! Barakallahu fihi

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Muhammed Abdusalam says

Dear brother Alshereef , While appreciating your efforts and expertise in various areas and especially on the perspective of Islamic point of view, I am of the view that when a situation arises when some one has to say “NO” or avoid using the word, why not we also consider and think of converting a situation when somebody has to say”NO” by converting the negative situation or negative answer by converting into a positive question/statement.

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Shabena Iqbal says

Pls can i contact you regarding my marriage issue?

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Fauzia yakubu says

Masha Allah brother Jazakallahu khairan

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Anonymous says

Jazzakum llahu khairan

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Roshan Khatun says

Asalam walekum brother, jazak Allah kher for the article. I started to say NO bit earlier but I got more confidence saying it after reading your Article… May Allah bless you … I always read many personality development and management related articles and at times i used to feel hollow as there was no connection with our deen. They used to write how to make a to do list n this that but never did they write how to connect it with our creator. thAnk you brother , u r creating values in our life.

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happy milton says

thanx for the best advice brother .I will learn to say no

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Anonymous says

Shukran. It is better to be truthful than making promises which you cannot keep. No will be the BEST answer.

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Nayeem Md. Lutful Huq says

Assalamualaikum. I’m sending a link about forced marriage. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbeoJX2Fo2w . Although in this you’ll not find direct references but I think you can think about it. Please don’t get outraged by the video and don’t try to show it directly to your parents because at end of the day they are your parents. Rather try to convince them through someone. If your attitude about your future spouse is like this (as you mentioned) then you really need to find a way out. I’m not an scholar so don’t just depend on my suggestion. Try to consult someone knowledgeable before its too late and more importantly ask Allah to help you out, it never fails. Pray tahazzud and ask Allah to help you and then keep asking in your mind.
May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

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Anonymous says

just talk to your parents first, they’ll surely understand your problem

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Afroza says

Much needed topic for me. Jazak Allah khair sheikh for teaching us how to say no when its good to say no.

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Hafusat Adediran says

Brother, you’very touched on a personal troubling topic. I always say yes to people, by saying No to myself a lot. In the end I get upset at myself for either disappointing them or hurting myself. I’ll start working on your recommendations. May Allah prolong your life with good health and increase your in both Iman and ilm.

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Balkis says

“When you come from a position of humility, saying no is so much easier”. I like that statement, because it is actually so liberating to truthfully just ask people’s forgiveness for saying no.

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Farida Mohammed says

Thank you brother,may we be able to be true to ourselves and our muslim brothers

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Ayesha says

Good read. Mashallah.

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rashid Hussein says

Shukran jazakallah heir.

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abdirahman says

wooow what nice truthful fact bro!!! keep it up!

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Nadia says

So helpful I really need to hear this jazak Allah khayran

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jasma says

Jazzakillah kheir…MashAllah MashAllah MashAllah.May Allah grant you more knowledge to educate the muslim ummah.

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AMINU SANI SOKOTO says

ALHAMDULILLAH, IS HORRIBLE FOR ME TO SAY NO, BUT NOW, I’M SAFE. TNX MAL. MUHAMMAD

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Farida says

Indeed it is true because saying “NO” right from the start makes you feel good than giving all the reason. Thank you for the information.

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Hafsa Yasmeen says

I will try for this In Sha Allah. BarakAllahu Feek. 🙂

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MOHD TARIF says

ماشااللہ

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Aisha says

Alhamdulilah, shukran laka, for this cause I’m one for not knowing how to say no to ANYONE!!!…. I thank Allah for you cause you help me out a lot in my daily life…Allah baraka feek and your family Amin.

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Naima says

It is great I like it.

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misbahu Adam says

Jazakallahu khairan bi ahsany jazz ihi

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Fauzia Haq says

It is liberating.

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Amina Jamal says

Salaams so true always plan your day and time before its planned for you Baarak ALLAHu Fikum

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Sara says

Jazakallah khairan

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hassan sayid ali says

Thank you jazakallah kheyr

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MUSHTAQ says

It is one of my biggest weak points. Insha Allah I will try to overcome this weakness with understanding that a NO will hurt somebody for some seconds, minutes or days but a YES without actually wanting to say yes can ruin ones life. May Allah give me courage enough to say what I believe in without caring about what people will think of me.

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MUSHTAQ says

Those of you Brothers and Sisters who are married and/knowledgeable, please respond to this sister Afeefa in the above post. She needs it badly!!!!

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Abdussamad qasim says

Alhamdulillah!

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umer says

JazakAllahu Khairan bro,very useful advice.

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Ahmed says

Shukran brother, im always yes to my colleagues. They always comes to shift swapping, even my manager first comes to me for any favor she always expect yes from me.now on Insha Allah i will practice to say no in a very polite way.

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Armala beenam says

Really helpful, I am one who never says no

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Khadija Juma says

Ma shaa Allah I have found a solution to my problem. Jazak Allahu khairan

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Mahamat says

Salam alaykum. Thank you again brother. This is very helpfull cause i couldnt say no to anyone and would find a way or just tell a lie and im tired of it. This is 👍 great

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khalid Mohammed Nuru says

Am so happy to know this, May Allah (SWT) reward you beyond your expectation.

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Anonymous says

Thank you. May Allah bless you more.

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